i was meeting some of my friends here for the first time. i was learning my way around and trying to get the lay of the land. i was on the hunt for a job.
i moved in august, so i haven't been here quite a year yet, but it's really close. As im sitting here in my kitchen, up later than i should be, i am feeling particularly proud of myself tonight.
the main goal in mind when moving 801 miles away from everything i knew and everything i loved was to finally be an adult. just because legally i am classified as an adult does not mean i was acting like one. i was letting a lot of things hold me back, and it was absolutely cramping my style. but now here i am, sitting in the kitchen that i pay rent for, after hanging out all day with the friends that i have made, driving around in the car i am paying for with the money im making at my jobs. im working a job that i love that pays shit and a job that i hate (that also pays shit) but that i need to subsidize the income. i am making decisions that im not sure i would have been able to make a year ago. i am doing things, like buying a car, that i KNOW i would not have been able to handle a year ago.
obviously every day here is not sunshine and rainbows. as a matter of fact, i am just now climbing out of the darkest days i have had in a really long time. totaling my car put me into a super depressive mindset and no matter what i did, i could not get over myself or out of my own head for long enough to see that it was going to be okay. i was a mess and im glad that my friends here stood by me through that because im pretty sure i was no fun at all to be around.
but i have friends here that will stand by me in shit like that, and that i would do the same for in a heartbeat. i have an amazing "family" here that would give me the shirt off of their backs if i needed it, without my having to ask, and i absolutely would do the same. i know i would not have survived this last year, much less the last two months, without the friends i have made at work. i have made friends at work before, but i have never been in an environment quite like the one i am currently, and i count my lucky stars every day for that.
and i know that i am not done growing, or growing up. there are some goals that i had set for myself that i have not accomplished yet. some things that i still want to do, but i have time. and i am stronger now than i have ever been, and im gaining every day.
i finally got to go explore the Parthenon today with a friend of mine, and we were talking about another friend who left to move across the country recently. I stated that moving across the country and starting over has been the best thing i could have ever done for myself. it weeded out a lot of the bad seeds in my life, and the people from home that still remain are the ones that are worth keeping around. im learning things about myself that i never knew, and seeing how much i can do on my own. im also seeing how much i still need my family, and how much it hurts to be so far away from them. ive often thought that the only thing that would make nashville better would be if my family were here. maybe in time...
i dunno what is going to happen next...i am actively looking to make some changes in my life again, shake things up and test myself some more. but if you are reading this and thinking about making a change in your own life, no matter the size, i say do it. what is the point if you arent growing and changing? staying stagnant is no good for anyone, and im glad i finally rid myself of the film i was gathering by not moving.
