One of the big reasons for my wanting to move was so that I could teach myself financial responsibility. I have always been a flake when it comes to money. I am fully aware of this, and knew that having my dad handling that stuff for me was no way for me to ever learn it. (I fully contend that they should make money management classes a requirement for HS graduation, and that they need to do a better job of warning college students about what they are getting into when they take out enormous loans to pay for school. I do believe that I would be in a much better place financially if those two things had happened. Alas, they did not, so here I am.)
Keeping track of what I am spending by writing it down every night has been super helpful in regards to spending money. For instance, I was out this morning at target, and was debating stopping at Starbucks for my "take to work" coffee. I typically stop at the gas station and pick up a cup of their sludge or if I am feeling super frugal, I brew some at home before I leave (though even though I worked at wawa for nine years, I suck at making coffee.) I walked past the starbucks counter in the target because there was a line of four people and I didn't feel like waiting, and decided when I was nearing the actual Starbucks store that I did not want to stop because not only is a soy latte upwards of four dollars, but I would have to later enter that into the book, which was something I just wasn't vibing on.
I have been doing this exercise since the beginning of the month, and figured by the end of the month I would be able to create a budget, and from there I would be able to allot specific values to rent, bills, entertainment, gas, and pre-work coffee runs. I thought I could also determine which was the best week to pay specific bills, based on both when they are due, and when there is money for them.
For the most part I have all of the logistics figured out, but I am still struggling with two things. The first is that while it all makes sense on paper, and even in theory, in practice I cannot master the art of budgeting my money. I don't know why my brain has such a block on this, and like I said, things are getting better, but I feel like I always miss something huge that sets me back once I think I have things squared away. The second thing, which I believe is probably the more important one, is that I do not make enough money to cover my expenses. I have lived pretty bare-bones this month (hence the weight loss. no money=no food.) and am still in the negative as the month closes out. I am working two jobs and working a decent amount at both of them, and still feel like I have nothing to show for it. Ideally, I would like to be making enough money so that I am living comfortably by my standards (which honestly aren't very high, really, though I miss eating) AND be able to put some cash back into my totally depleted savings account each week.
This is only going to get worse soon, as (thankfully, and boy am I not complaining) I will qualify for medical benefits within the next month or so at WHS, so that will be additional cash coming out of my checks each week. Some of that will be compensated by the addition of the cash that I will not be paying out for the benefits that I am losing at BRU thanks to the Affordable Care Act, but having paid into benefits before, my best guess is that those two numbers will not balance out.
Part of the problem is that I am working for peanuts at BRU. No one can live on minimum wage. I consider quitting every single day, but quitting without something better will only compound the issue. That brings me to the next point, which is that it is really, really hard to find something to work around a retail schedule that changes week to week. The only good thing about working at BRU is that because they need me way more than I need them (yes, that is still true despite what this entry is saying) I can set my own schedule and they work with me on it, and are really flexible with my needing to change things, even last minute. Hell, even when I sleep through a shift. Ideally, I want to be back in a school setting in some capacity. Or even childcare that would still allow for me to work nights and weekends at WHS. But I have been applying and applying and applying, and have not gotten any response back from any of the schools or the Metro Nashville School District.
I wasn't too worried about financials when I decided to make this move because I fully believed that God wanted me to be here, and that He would provide so that I would be able to make ends meet, but right now that is not the case, and I don't want to fall behind any farther on any of my bills.
And because I enter all of my receipts into the binder at the end of the day, this is the last thing on my mind before I fall asleep every night.
I hate money.
No comments:
Post a Comment