I talked about my going-away party and how happy I was that people came out to see me off, and I really was and am. This isn't to take anything away from that, it is just where I am tonight. The purpose of this whole blog adventure was to document my feelings, and I am going to do that, quite possibly at the risk of offending others. Oh well. I generally don't hold back when I have something to say.
Tonight I had dinner with my meggers, and then met up later with my friend Nicole for ice cream. Both had plans the night of the party and couldn't make it that night, but wanted to see me before I left, and both reached out to me to make that happen. I love both of these ladies and was willing to take time away from packing and whatever else I had going on today (let's be honest...I was playing Candy Crush anyway) to see them because they wanted to see me.
My leaving is not a secret, though I really wanted to sneak off into the night and disappear, reemerging in my new home and that would have been the end of it. However, that is not the proper way to do things, so I have given ample opportunity to see everyone that wanted to see me before I left. For good.
Yes, I will be home again around Christmas, God willing, but if anyone out there thinks that I will have time for them then, especially if they didn't make time now, they will be surprised. Christmas is a hectic time of the year as it is, and I have a big family who I know I am going to miss like crazy and am going to want to be with them as much as I can while I can. I have friends that have been with me through every step of the way on this journey; friends that I am struggling to say goodbye to. I will want to spend time catching up with them. I have a dear friend who is moving closer to me as I am moving away, and we already have plans to see each other over Christmas break, and I will keep those plans because knowing that is happening will be the only way that I am going to survive the limited contact I will have with him until then.
Now I am surely not so conceited as to think that every facebook friend; every twitter friend; everyone who is reading this blog right now should drop everything and come see me. As a matter of fact, it's too late. I have plans tomorrow and I leave after that. I think. But I am really annoyed that people who claim to be close to me haven't made time over the past few months.
Alas, life gets in the way. People who you have been best friends with since fifth grade mysteriously drop you for no reason, and the first text you get from them in months is forced by a mutual friend, and just says "i have plans. good luck." That is life. Friendships are only supposed to have a life-span of 5-7 years, so I guess one that lasted over 20 had outlived its lifespan. I am thankful for the friends that I do have that haven't dropped me like a bad habit over literally nothing. I am thankful for the friends that made an attempt to see me before I left.
I realize that I am probably coming off like a spoiled brat in this post, but this has been bothering me for a few days now. I refuse to apologize for feeling like this, though. These are my feelings. I own them, and I will put them down in this blog, because this is all part of the moving process. This is the moving ON process.
For a long time, I have been considering chopping my "friends list" on fb when I move. It is possible. I have also considered changing my telephone number when I upgrade my phone, but again, I don't know if I will. If, though, I do make any changes, those people that have attempted to remain in my life will still be there.
Cutting ties is a slippery slope.
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