"a stronger girl would shake this off in flight, and never give it more than a frowning hour"

Goodbyes suck.

I have been saying goodbye to basically everyone I know lately, and did most of that in one fell swoop with my going away party last week. The intention was to leave a few days after that, but as we all know, the best laid plans of mice and men...

So I am still in town, for a little while longer. I was trying to keep that quiet because I knew I didn't want to go through the goodbye process again a hundred times over. Not to mention the fact that I still have SO MUCH packing to do. It is ridiculous how much stuff I have accumulated in my life. I am planning on leaving most of it in my parents' attic for now, because this move is about a fresh start, and I don't see dragging 33 years of stuff down south as "fresh."

I posted on facebook that I was going to the shore with the BFFF on Saturday night, and and a result, I hurt some feelings. A few people messaged me that they wanted to see me again, and I told them all no. I don't say no that often, and I realized in this juncture that it is necessary for my sanity. I did, however, go out for about two hours tonight (after making MAJOR progress packing) because it is LB's birthday, and she had plans to go to the drive in, and the drive in was playing wolverine. As you may or may not be aware, I have had a serious crush on Wolverine since I was about 8 years old (Jean who?) so it is a movie I would have seen anyway.

But I was with people that I had already said goodbye to, so I had to go through that again. Its not that I don't want to see anyone, and I was glad that I went, but I am crying all the time as it is. I don't really want to keep putting myself in that position.

I am sorry if you are one of the people whom I offended. It was not meant to hurt anyone's feelings. I need to set boundaries and protect myself, too. My life is changing, for the better, I hope, but in order to make that happen, I need to change everything. This means that when I come home to visit, I might not have time to see everyone, but I will try to designate one night for my friends. If that means I have to say, "if you want to see me, come to Friday's at seven pm on tuesday night" then that is what it is going to be.

I realize that I will be 806 miles away, but my door is open to anyone who might want to come visit. I will have a job and new friends and responsibilities down there, but that doesn't mean that I won't have time for texts, calls or visits from the people who mattered in my first 33 years.

Please don't take anything I am doing personally. I promise I am not out to offend anyone as my last act before leaving New Jersey. I just have to put myself first right now. I don't think that is an awful thing.